there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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