He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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