i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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