I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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