the condom got lost in my hair
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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