I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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