I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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