my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
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Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
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I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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