She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
last night I used snow as a chaser
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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