really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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