just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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