New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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