I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize