The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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