my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
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I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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