What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
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Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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