It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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