today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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