I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
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I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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