Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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