dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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