So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
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I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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