Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
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remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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