we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
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Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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