she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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