actually, I'm a sock model
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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