i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
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I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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