he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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