I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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