he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
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I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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