I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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