I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize