I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize