its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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