Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
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There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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