so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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