My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
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You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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