I wish my penis had an off switch
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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