Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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