dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
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Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize