this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize