OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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