I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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