i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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