p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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