i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
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I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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