you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize