hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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