i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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