thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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